That’s all I’ve been doing and that’s all i plan to do. For the next couple of weeks, and maybe even months, and some odd years. I’m going to wait. I’m going to wait out the time I have left in this god-awful city, whether it be two or four years. I’m going to wait for him to come around and finally figure out that I’m his person. I’m going to wait because that’s all I can do at this moment. Some things I can’t change. Some things can’t be rushed. Some things take time.
So i wait.
We’re all a little bit selfish and we’re all a little bit ungrateful. We aren’t perfect. We can strive to achieve perfection, but at the end of the day, no one is perfect. Not you. Not me. Not the person sitting next to you. No one.
I’m writing tonight, at this late hour because I want to admit how ungrateful I have been. I took advantage of how loving and spoiling my family has been to me. I didn’t spend enough time with them and I didn’t tell them I was thankful for all that they’ve done for me. I took advantage of my ex-boyfriend and how caring he was. Sure, we found A LOT… more than the average couple, but at the end of the day, he put up with my imperfections and my selfishness. And here I am, sitting alone in Amarillo… just waiting for the chance to see both my family and him again just to have that chance to say thank you or i love you or i’m sorry. Life throws a lot of unexpected things at you, but it will never throw something it doesn’t think you can handle.
It sucks to be here in the middle of nowhere and on my own. I never realized how good I had it back in Austin and Dallas until I moved here. I’m an ungrateful, selfish, spoiled little brat, and now I’m stuck. I’m stuck in this god awful city forcing myself to study and make friends.. who are only friends under new circumstances, and not necessarily real friends… and I’m stuck trying to piece together a relationship that I broke apart.
My mind is wandering right now, and my thoughts are all over the place. Late night thoughts will be the death of me… one day.
But moral of the story is… it’s okay to be a little bit selfish and ungrateful, as long as you realize it and make up for it before it’s too late. Before you lose your person because you’re too proud and too stubborn and too ungrateful to speak up.